DISTRESS AND COMA (ESPAŃOL)

ANGUSTIA Y COMA

Hola, amada novia mía
żQué ves?
Con esos ojos no puedes recoger las mariposas que se han caído

Aquello que deseas olvidar, la blanca agonía pura
"Cree", te dices a ti misma
Las heridas que no sanan.

Danza, danza, duerme y danza
Las lágrimas no se detienen
Mata tu voz.
Limpia tus labios con esas débiles manos temblorosas.

Hola, amada novia mía
Tus pies están ardiendo
El zumbido en tus oídos ya es una necesidad
Tus respiros de inconciencia recorren tu piel
La sonrisa “se refleja” en el filo que se agita silenciosamente

Aquello que deseas olvidar es la blanca agonía pura
"Cree", te dices a ti misma
Las heridas no sanan.

En los sueńos áridos se proyecta un presente imbatible
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Está bien si resulto herido...

No lo olvides
Tus latidos son atraídos por este lado tuyo que conoce el dolor
En este lugar...

"Buenas Noches"

Danza, danza, danza, hasta que caigas dormida
Las lágrimas no se detendrán
Nada. Cuándo mi corazón reposa parece marchitarse

En los sueńos áridos cantas una vez más
Sólo tristeza, si me dices "estás solo"
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En el sueńo que debe acabar,
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Dream Boys 2006 DVD (KAT-TUN vs Kanjani8)
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Queen of Pirates "map" bag (bought from the concert)
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Team Anacrchy - Round 4 - Fic: His Savior

Title: His Savior
Author: Carol Anne Caiafa
Prompt: Role Reversal
Pairing: Batman/Joker
Fandom: Nolanverse (influenced by others too)
Disclaimer: Don’t own ‘em, no profit, suing is futile!
Rating: Hard R
Warnings: Implied sex, violence, angst, blood, very bad language
Summary: The Joker saves the Batman’s life, but Batman has possibly saved Joker’s soul. Joker POV.
Word Count: 577
A/N: Many thanks to my beta, who wishes to remain anonymous. In many ways the pairing can be read as technically Bruce/Jack, rather than Batman/Joker, as they’re sort of out of their normal roles here!

Seeing him like this is harder than I’ll ever let on. It’s hell, in fact. He’s been made vulnerable, bruised and bloody by other hands than mine – I just can’t stand it.

And it hurts more than I’ll admit to realize I almost lost him.

It was hard getting all that Bat armor off him, but I managed it. And if I say so myself I didn’t do too bad a job of treating his wounds. Hey, I don’t just run around in a nurse’s outfit for the fun of it! My life’s been tough. So I’ve had to pick up a skill or two to get through it. Learning how to stitch and bandage is just the simple stuff.

They say I’m insane, but I have to ask, what sort of maniac is the guy who did this? The new man the mob’s hired to take down the Bat? He must have some major hardware to have done this much damage. Imagining it, and looking at my man lying on the bed, weak as a child, makes me clench my fists hard – and my chest aches when I think of how that the fucker nearly succeeded. In killing my Bat – hell, in killing my Bruce! This psycho’s not going to get away with what he’s done. As soon as I’m sure Brucie’s strong enough to be left on his own, Joker’s going a-hunting. And the streets will run red.

I whisper this as a promise to my unconscious Bruce, and he stirs. Murmurs a name – my name…

“Jack…”

He’s the only person left on this earth who can call me that and live. And it always makes me smile in a way that’s more than just a twitch of the scars on my face.

“You crazy flying rodent,” I try to snap at him, but my voice shakes. Damn it. Now he’s smiling.

“Not dead – yet,” he gasps. “And so sweet – you care…”

“It’s only the sex I want you for, and I’m not a necrophiliac,” I shoot back, and both of us are laughing, although he really shouldn’t be, with all the pain he’s in.

“Thanks to me, you’re still alive. Now hurry up and get well so we can find the one who did this to you. All work and no play makes Joker a very dull clown!” And before I can stop myself, I’m bending down to kiss him, softly and gently. Normally, I hate all that romantic, schmoopy crap. But his lips are so warm and all the contusions on his skin make him look almost as painted up as me… and how often do I get to have a helpless Bruce on his back, unable to resist me and all mine?

Well, very often indeed, actually. But not quite as often as I’d like.

“Jack…” he whispers again as I finally pull my lips away from his. I shake my head and cover his mouth with a forefinger.

“Shut up and rest,” I tell him, with a darker tone to my voice than before. “You need your strength so we can plot how to get this bastard back. Only I’m allowed to mess you up this bad, Bruce, and if teaming up with the Batman’s the only way to make sure of that, then so be it.”

Neither of us has spoken the words “I love you.” But just because nobody’s said the phrase aloud doesn’t make it any less true.

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THE LAST FUCK

I pressed harder against him. My went cunt on his back. My arms wrapped around his neck, my legs tossed comfortably around his waist. My toe nails are pink and I can’t help playing with his cock which amazingly was beginning to rise again.

“You’re almost fifty, damn near twenty years my senior, what do you want with a kid now? Aren’t you a bit old?” I asked.

He chuckled. “Yes, but I still want one. I didn’t raise my daughter. Her mother wouldn’t even let me see her. I missed out on that whole experience. And I just really want to do the family thing. It’s just important to me,”

The reason why Kenny became a fuck-buddy years ago is because he told me from the beginning, on our first date in fact, that he wanted to have kids. And I wasn’t going to give him one. Ironically, he isn’t the first guy I tossed back into the pond for the same reason. But the man is handsome and charming, intelligent, successful and a fucking stallion in bed. Damn him. I figured that I could at least have sex with him until he finds the lucky woman who wants to bear his children. He just didn’t.

I stopped by to talk about his feelings. I even wore panties. Granted, the pink thong is so small he wouldn’t have to remove it to fuck me. Still… I even tried to find a bra--but I couldn’t think of where to look. I’m sure I have one somewhere. Half-way to his house I realized that I shouldn’t have worn the sexy black skirt. The man likes to look up my dress and play with what he finds. He can’t help himself.

So I went out to his place feeling somewhat secure in my little thong. Now tossed aside and I’m wrapped naked and satiated around the man I’d come to tell goodbye because he has feelings for me. What the hell?

This is the last fuck, actually I had two already…three then? I thought pressing against him. I’m horny again and watching my toes playing with his cock--damn

I’m weak too. The back of his neck taste delicious. I can’t help but squeeze him. My cunt aches and presses harder against him. He feels me wanting him and turn to look at me. I spread my legs, he mounts and penetrates me again.

Driving home, I realized that I should have called.

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The Road to You [oneshot]

Title: The Road to You.
Author: saint_sorrows
Pairing: Bert/Gerard
Rating: NC-17
POV: Third
Summary: Bert is sleeping off withdrawal. He dreams of hazel eyes and nervous smiles.
Disclaimer: Fictional. All of it. Don’t sue me.
Warnings: Some disturbing imagery, swears, an unnecessary amount of screaming.
Notes: I’ve not posted anything for a while, and I started tapping away at this last night and thought I’d share it. It is strange. It is confusing. It is badly written. I just wanted to let my mind go for a while. Approx. 2000 words, oneshot.



They’re sat on the grass overlooking the main stage, on a high rise of rocks and soil that seems to high to be standing ground. Bert’s not sure but judging from the sun and the crowd and the Spring Break atmosphere that bustles below, it feels like Warped Tour, the smell of burning and oil tangible in the air. Gerard is laughing his stupid honking laugh beside him and pointing off into the distance, hair wet with grease and sweat, dirt streaked down his face like he’s showered in shit. Bert stares at him, not really sure what he’s saying, feeling the solidity of the ground beneath him and wondering how stoned he really is. He sits for a moment, trying to remember, but his thoughts are obscured by Gerard’s pale arms, waving and gesticulating, unusually bare. His hair billows back off his face. Bert thinks he looks beautiful.

Gerard stands then, turning to look at him with bright eyes, the back half of his hair brutal crimson, the noon sun blazing above him and bleaching the sky of blue.

‘Come on, Brett,’ he says in a distant voice. Bert recognises it and there’s a dull twist somewhere in his chest as he reaches out a hand, nervous, desperate-

And he stops as a copy of himself walks by, grabbing Gerard’s hand and turning him around in some strange, clumsy pirouette. Gerard laughs and stumbles on the uneven ground, grabbing at him, tie billowing in wind he can‘t feel. It’s Bert as he was, then, with dark hair and crimson bruises veining the insides of his arms. He kisses Gerard and they laugh in an altogether private way, foreheads touching, grinning dirty and secret.

Bert feels sick to his stomach. The eyes of his dark-haired counterpart are blurred, like his subconscious is unable to recall, and as fingers tighten around Gerard’s pale wrists, he’s trying to get to his feet, slipping on the loose earth, sliding down the sloping rise.

‘Gerard!’ his own voice sounds drowned by distance, and as he slips further in the dirt, he cries out in horror, scrabbling at the rocks and sand. ‘Gerard! Get away from me!’

On the edge of the rise, the past tense of Bert smiles wide and leering, and shoves Gerard sharply.

‘NO!’ Bert flings out an arm to reach for him, only slipping further, almost bodily hanging from the crumbling rocks. Gerard’s eyes widen and he lurches back where he’s wobbling dangerously, arms wind milling in an almost comedic fashion, body bending back in a graceful arch as gravity grabs at him and he lets out a soundless cry-


Bert vaults upright in his bed, panting hard and fumbling for the light. The filament flares white as he flicks the switch and he looks around, chest heaving, sweat damp on his skin.

Outside his window, the night is calm and quiet. He runs a shaking hand through stringy yellow hair and sighs.

‘Fuck.’

Without thinking on it any further, he reaches for his cell phone and dials. Lying back against the mattress, he presses it to his ear and listens hard, straining, as though he’ll be able to hear life beyond the tinny ringing on the other side of the States.

There’s a click and a breath. Bert bites his lip, listening to the familiar rush of mumbling, a few clunks and fidgets, and then a whisper.

‘H-hello?’

Sleepy and soft. Bert closes his eyes and listens, still on the bed. A short pause falls. ‘Hello..? I- Bert? Is that you?’

He doesn’t reply. Another hesitant silence, then the dial tone sounds, dead and constant.

Lowering the phone slowly, Bert stares at the ceiling, then throws back the duvet and gets up.

He needs a hit.

He’ll settle for a cigarette.


Gerard’s screaming in his face this time, greasepaint glistening white across his cheekbones, the black bar obscuring his eyes like the inky smear of his hair, dripping across his face in all its sweat-slicked glory. He’s singing, but it’s not the singing Bert knows, nasal and wretched and raw, but purely animal in itself, no longer coherent words but the stream of white noise Bert identifies with the stench of flesh and tearing teeth, rip hack sluicing blood down his chin.

The lights are flashing around them and there’s a sea of hands, clawing for the stage, grey-skinned and empty eyed kids with dead faces and gaping mouths. Bert feels like he’s the only person alive. Gerard is writhing on the stage floor and he looks strange, broken, like he’s been dropped from a great height. His leg juts out at a strange angle from the knee; dark stains are cruses around the corners of his nose and mouth where his face is tipped back against the white flood lights, the bracket of his neck unnatural and awkward-looking. It reminds Bert of all those times they fucked. It reminds Bert of the night Gerard almost died doing speedballs with him in the back of the bus with his silly domino-mask eyeshadow smeared all down his fucking face.

He looks at Bert with his wide eyes, pupils blown, irises dull grey and glossy, fingers the clutch the microphone crushed and broken. Around them, the noise level rises to a deafening roar, and Gerard laughs, long and high and mad mad mad mad mad



This time when he wakes, Bert screams, and he lunges for the bedside lamp, tearing out of bed as he beats it roughly against the nightstand, floods of adrenaline rushing through him and seizing him and demanding that he FUCK FUCK FUCK destroy something, destroy everything.

He rips his room to pieces, snarling to himself, and with bleeding hands and bruised knees, crawls back into bed and pulls his pillow over his head.

‘Fuck,’ he rasps against the mattress, turning his nose straight into the fabric and pushing down, as if hoping to break his own face, to crush bone and cartilage and leave a stunning splatter of scarlet. His insides ache with sharp, feral desire. He stretches out, face down, crucifix style, and imagines the nails sinking through his skin, splintering bone and splicing veins. He‘s tethered and anchored and bound and restrained, trapped and secured and safe. Drowning in his own blood and water.

‘F-fuck, fuck. Fuck.’

A little while later, he makes his silent phone call again, and falls asleep to the familiar sound of drowsy curiosity.



He barely sleeps the next night, trapped in half-hour snatches and semi-wakeful moments of insanity, mind reeling him audio tapes of Quinn’s voice telling him over and over again are you all right man, you don’t look so good and he turns over and grunts, punching at his mattress and closing his eyes really Bert what’s wrong you look so tired and the phone rings and he snatches it up and screams and there’s a bang and his head’s spattered against the bedroom wall, dripping black, grey brain matter mashed into the plaster.

He turns over in bed again and looks at the clock with wide eyes, the letters glowing odious, malignant green that reminds him of rotting skin and phlegm and the way the night vision caught his eyes that time and he laughed, freaky, silly laughter, and licked his tiny teeth. Bert feels him inside his head, all his soft lines and square-tipped fingers. The cold tip of his nose in the curve of his cheek.

The phone shatters the silence again. Bert rips the cord out of the wall and hurls it across the room, turning over, panting hard and wiping at the sweat in his eyes, on his face, trying to forget the need need need inside him. It eats at the marrow of his bones like woodworm. He crosses his arms over his head and cries out, begging and pleading for him to make it stop, please god make it stop it hurts too bad, just give me something, anything, anything

He falls asleep to the sound of slamming doors and skittering footsteps; the soft rustle of wings on the air like sightless creatures swooping blind into his dreams. Something inside him sighs and he sweats yellow into his mattress, twisting and choking out broken jolts of mirthless laughter. The itching inside his skin grows, pulsing inside him like the hot, deep strokes of wanton desire, like masturbation, like honest to god animal-paced sex that reaches an anticlimactic crescendo of dissatisfaction.

Curling onto his side, he draws his knees to his chest and tries not to think of him, tries not to dream of his blonde halo of shining hair, his brown lashes cast down and the sharp lines of his features. Gerard’s too thin now, sitting on the floor in a dimly lit corridor with flickering overhead lights. The linoleum squeaks under Bert’s bare feet as he walks, watching Gerard sit back a little where he was curled over on himself. He raises pretty hazel eyes and smiles at Bert in an odd, sad way that makes him look so small, curled up with his skinny white legs on show and his green paper dress bleaching him all out.

It’s wrong. It’s just not normal.

‘Gerard?’ Bert tries to say, ‘Gerard, are you sick? What’s wrong with you, what are you doing here..?’

The lights start to flicker out, one by one, each shattering panel whooshing into greyness with an electric sigh. Eyes glassy, Gerard sits back further, leaning against the white wall, slowly stretching out one bandaged arm. Bert stares at him, starts toward him, panic flaring in his gut like vomit. ‘Gerard? Gerard what’s happening to you-?’

And it’s like rewind, but disturbingly chronological. Gerard’s shoulders slump into the flat of the wall, his outstretched arm lax, rust starting to flood through the gauze. Water trickles down the wall behind him, pooling on the floor, soaking into the hem of his hospital gown as his mouth drops open, head lolling to one side, eyes unfocused.

Bert screams. He screams and he runs from the rapidly outing lights, toward Gerard’s crumpled body, shattered and bruised and bloodied again, and he grabs at him and there’s a clench, a sudden warmth and tangibility of the contact and he scrubs at his hair and hauls him bodily into his arms and sobs, chokes and suffocates, feels hands claw at him, breath rush against his neck and he whips around and whispers no



‘Hey…’

Silence. Heart pounding, he wets his cracked lips and blinks a few times, shivering at the warm touch to his arm.

‘Y’okay.’ he breathes, and it’s more of a statement than a question. Gerard smiles at him, the milky sunlight rendering him in monochrome. His hair’s dark again, a little longer, spiking out in silly tufts around his cheeks. He looks about twelve.

‘I wanted to check you were doin’ all right,’ he murmurs. Under the duvet, Bert feels a socked toe brush his shin and it scratches a little. The smooth, dry warmth of Gerard’s palm against his flank is firm but gentle. He blinks at him, and lets him push a strand of stiff hair out of his eye.

‘How did you. How did you find me?’

There’s a pause. Gerard looks around the wrecked bedroom of Bert’s apartment and shrugs. There’s something in his wan smile and silly red blemish that makes Bert really not want to punch him like he ought to.

‘I got your message,’ Gerard says, almost to himself. ‘you just sounded like you needed to see me.’


A/N: Concrit welcome, I know it's really disjointed but I wanted to see whether people would still follow it simply by taking in the words. Tell me how you feel about this kinda style. Is it much too abstract, or could you cope with the changes? I'm just curious. Lay into me if you thought it sucked. Thanks for reading xo.

THANKS to yogaswirl!

I just signed on hoping there was a challenge posted, or I would have slapped an easy one together. I am back online and settled in CA now so will be posting weekly challenges again from next week on!

1. Something juicy.
Me in the hotel we were stuck at in Nevada for days - being classy with my mini bottle of fermented juice. Yes, there were more bottles where that one came from.


2. Something backwards.
Hmm, well the reflection in the Bean is a backwards view of Chicago I guess.


3. A photo that represents "evolution."
I have evolved into a happier, more assured person over the last few years, and even over the last few months.


4. Something green.
Lots of greenery around the stairway down to Swedes beach by my apartment.


5. A photo taken through a window.
The hummingbird feeder I bought today - Jason said he saw one flying by some flowers yesterday so I hope we get some feeding from this!


6. A photo of something strong.
Extreme weather.


7. A photo of something weak.
A friendship I once thought was strong.


8. A photo of something that reminds you that Spring is coming!
Wildflowers.


9. A photo of something "sizzling."
Taco filling!


10. A picture of opposites.
Jason and I are very much a Yin and a Yang - even our hands/postures are opposite here. We compliment each other well though!

sitting, waiting, wishing

Looking at apartments on Craigslist, while a wonderful time killer, makes me a little bit miserable, because I honestly have no idea when we'll be able to seriously start thinking about moving out.  Who knows, though...maybe when I don't get in to Curry I can just get a full time job and we can move out sooner than I think!

I'm not so sick any more, but my chest hurts and I'm losing my voice.

I can't believe I haven't done any laundry all day.  I'm such a loser.

My brother has gotten in to every college he applied to: Wentworth, University of Vermont, UMass Darmouth, UMass Amherst.  I'm proud of him. But I'd like to get in somewhere!!

What Do Your Initials Say About You?

You Are Brave and Cheeky

When You Are Comfortable: You are a strong person. You're driven and assertive. Success is yours, as much as you want it. People find you to be clever and spirited. You're a bit saucy too... delightfully so! When You Are At Your Best: You are enthusiastic and flexible. You are open-minded. You prefer to learn from others... not judge them. People see you as kind and cooperative. You are very supportive when friends are down on their luck. When You Are in a Social Setting: You are a carefree, adventurous person. You love excitement, and you enjoy being in a changing, dynamic environment. People find you to be funny, generous, and competent. You're well spoken, and you know how to wow people with your words.

What Do Your Initials Say About You?

carmen dell orefice

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president corine approaches the end of her term as year level president

HONRADO, CORAZON CARMELA

First Year Level (PD) President SY 2008-2009

why'd i even run for office in the first place? i don't know.. maybe i was still in the state of superiority complex (which, by the way isn't good at all, but not entirely "bad"-- both at the same time). i never really wanted to be the PRESIDENT, i actually wrote VICE PRESIDENT on my certificate of candidacy! haha.. how did i end up erasing "vice". i don't know.. it just happened. i just did it. i took a chance. i jumped BLIND.

...and in the end, i survived. :)

i'm slowly approaching the end of my term. i've been KIND OF training kevin to become the next year level president of my batch.. training, even to the point that we're starting to look like crazy monkeys.

i remember once during kevin's training sessions wherein we had to look for kuya jayson. of course, kuya jayson is the ULTIMATE dynamic student, translation: he's everywhere. kevin and i ran almost everywhere. everywhere including to the 5th floor of the ISC (*note: STAIRS-- kaya nyo?) only to find out that he was at mcdo. i know that kevin was already badtrip, but he didn't complain.. i felt so proud of my current VP.. he got the "obey first complain later" thing down.Ü another episode demonstrated corine as the dictator.. i told him everything he had to tell kuya jayson, down to the "thank you". next time, he'll do it na. oh my.. i'm so proud!!Ü

i also let him in on little secrets on what to do during assemblies. 1. always be seated somewhere you can be found right away, and where you can excuse yourself without disturbing other people- i.e. the isles, so that if you have to be called for something, you can just stand up and RUN. it's also for the purpose of being seen right away, so that if anyone needs anything, they know where to find you. 2. always know where to find AT LEAST one DSC officer, if you don't know, FIND OUT- this is applicable in cases wherein you'd be needing anything. FIND OUT-- the excuse "hindi ko alam kung nasan si ate/kuya ____" is so inacceptable. 3. know where AT LEAST one of your officer counterparts is/ know where the president of your upperbatch (and/or) lowerbatch is-- i.e. i find out where kuya jayson is, kuya jayson knows where i am.. so if problems arise, we'd be there for each other. 4. know where the chairperson/committee members of the activity is/are. again, this is for problems that may arise. this is also helpful when you're going to say "thank you for the program".

in a way, i find it so hard to believe. this whole year level president thing was my first shot at any form of student government, it happened so late in my life, but it was so worth it.Ü i started it with a bang, and the fire's still burning inside my heart.

i could not have done anything without the 2nd year level officers who have been the BEST. whatever joy i feel right now has been brought to me by kuya jayson, kuya paul, ate kharla, ate lenel, ate da, ate beverly and ate najmeh. they've been elemental our success. they've helped us through so many stressing moments.. and it's been a really happy feeling to know that there'd be amazing people to back us up if we would ever need anything.

kuya jayson and kuya paul-- i owe the best love story i've ever known to the both of you <3

i want to thank my fellow year level officers.. of course, there's kevin-- the next year level president, patty-- you're STILL worth it, my dear. abcd-- the perpetually game na game auditor, and ate reileen-- althought newbie, game for anything. my heart also goes to maureen magdamo, our treasurer who transferred to ceu-makati and ayah potian, our former PRO. guys, thank you so much for all the love. just like ate reileen said, "..next year ulit."

a few nights ago, kuya jayson asked my why i wouldn't be running for president again next year. i'm done hoping and praying for my transfer to ceu-makati (parents won't let me, sometimes it's best to just shut up, to make with what you have and to just accept fate the way it's been planned.. though my heart is aching to be on the other side..), so what's the deal? well, there are so many more things i want to do with my life..

i want to be part of COMPASS-- i want to help other people, because there's no point in being human if you live your life only for yourself. that's empty, just so empty.

i want to be part of the SCIENCE CLUB-- thought pre-dent isn't under the school of science, i still want to help sponsor contests and stuff.. it seems exciting.Ü

i want to be part of the DRAMA GUILD-- live everything to the maximum.. just because i'm ME, it doesn't mean that i'm confined to having to be ME all the time. i want to experience living a double life. i don't just want to act, i want to become

i want to be part of the HONORS SOCIETY-- (i'm just curious about what honsoc people do.. that's practically it.)

it's time to grow.. it's time to expand my horizons.. eventually, i'll be back in office if it's really meant for ME, but as of now, i've decided to eye the VICE-presidency for next year. there's no point in too much reminiscing of the term that was, for now, i'll have to go to bed with a brand new vision in mind.. and that would of course be..

 

HONRADO, CORAZON CARMELA

Second Year Level (PD) Vice-President SY 2009-2010